


Patience, Tame to Sufferance

by rumpelsnorcack



Category: Lovely Little Losers, Nothing Much to Do
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:17:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5176646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rumpelsnorcack/pseuds/rumpelsnorcack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Balthazar and Peter take a quiet moment to talk during Balthazar's party.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Patience, Tame to Sufferance

**Author's Note:**

> I'm 100% sure this will be shot down in balls of flame when footage from the party eventuates, so I'm posting it now. Un-beta-read as yet.

Balthazar sighed, looking around the flat.  Everyone seemed to be having a good time, so why wasn’t he enjoying it?  He winced as someone put on some song with a really intrusive, pulsing beat.  Rosa danced past and winked at him.

“You having a good time?” she mouthed.  He nodded, plastering what he hoped was a half-convincing smile on his face before letting it fade as she moved away.

Someone sat next to him and handed him a beer.

“What’s wrong?”

Balthazar looked sideways at Peter and tried to smile.

“Nothing’s wrong.  Why would anything be wrong?”

“Balthy …” his voice was full of disbelieving frustration, and Balthazar chuckled.  Peter had always been able to see through so much of him.  Just never the bit he really wanted him to know.  He nodded, as if Peter had asked the question again.

“I just – this isn’t really my scene, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.  You wanna go somewhere quieter?”

“I …” Balthazar hesitated.  While usually, yes he would love to be somewhere quieter, he wasn’t sure that _this_ night was a good time to go somewhere private with Peter.  Not when he wasn’t sure he could avoid the temptation of this one golden rules-free opportunity.  Not when he could easily become the notch on a bedpost he feared he’d be  – and probably enjoy it even while it destroyed him.  But then the beat of the music became even harsher, pounding into his body and giving him a slight headache, and he found himself nodding.  “Yeah.  Let’s get out of here.”

They headed out the back door and moved without thought towards the tent.  It wasn’t quite warm enough to sit outside, but the tent offered shelter from the bite of the wind.  Peter held the flimsy door back and allowed Balthazar to enter before him.  Once inside the tent, Balthazar lay down on one of the mattresses and scrubbed his hands over his face. 

When he looked up again, Peter was sitting near him on one of the other mattresses.  His scent was almost overpowering in the confines of the tent, both the sharp tang of sweat and the musk of his soap.  Balthazar had to drag his eyes away from Peter, realising that coming out here could have been a really bad mistake. 

“So,” Peter started, his voice startling Balthazar into sitting upright.  “You’re not having a good time then.”

It wasn’t a question, and Balthazar thought about lying, but he was sick of it.  Sick of putting on a face, especially with Peter.

“No.  I’m not.”

“Why is that?”

“I don’t know.  It’s too big … too much.  I’d rather just do something quieter, y’know?”

“Not really –“

Balthazar laughed.  “I wouldn’t expect you to get it.”  He caught sight of Peter’s expression and blushed, irritated at himself for caring so much that Peter had been hurt, even slightly.  “I didn’t mean it like that.  Just … you get a buzz out of being with people.  I’ve seen it.  I’m … I’m not like that.”

“Yeah I know.  This didn’t really feel like your sort of thing, so I wondered why …”

“Rosa’s idea.  She likes things loud, and so does Ben.”

“Yeah.”  Peter fell silent for a few moments.  “It’s good having no rules, though.”

“Yeah I guess.”

“You guess?”

“It feels … I dunno.  People are going a bit crazy with it, y’know?  Ben and Bea …”

Peter nodded.  His eyes glistened in the dim tent.  Balthazar found it very hard to look away.  The tension between them increased, and Balthazar swallowed.

“So you’d say no to some hummus then?”  Peter’s laugh was slightly shaky as he dragged his gaze from Balthazar’s.

“I will never eat hummus again, not even if you paid me.”  Balthazar could feel his voice growing colder as he shuddered.  He could still taste the hummus in his cornflakes, the gritty texture etched in his memory.  He still felt the sharp pang of bitterness over how long that punishment had been compared to all the rest.

Peter’s face went white, visible even in the dimness.

“Was it really that bad?”

“Yeah.”

“You’ve had the shittiest luck with the punishments.”

Balthazar’s heart stuttered in his chest.  He turned away.

“Pete, don’t …”

“Don’t what?  Say sorry?”

“I just want to forget about it.”  Balthazar could feel himself blushing and he hoped Peter couldn’t see it.  He wanted to salvage some semblance of the friendship they’d enjoyed for so long, and he didn’t feel like he could if they kept dragging up the past all the time.

“I don’t want to forget.”  Peter’s voice was soft, entreating.

“Can we not do this?”

“We can’t keep avoiding it.”

“Not tonight, Pete, please.”

Peter reached over and grabbed Balthazar’s hand.  Against his better judgement, Balthazar allowed his fingers to slide in between Peter’s.

“I think tonight is the best time to do this.”

“The rules …”

“… are irrelevant.  Without the rules it’s easier.”

“To what?”

“To let you know it’s you I want.  You.  Not ‘someone’ – _you_.”

“But …”

“It’s you, Balth.  It’s been you for ages, I just thought you didn’t –“

“I don’t do casual,” Balthazar broke in quickly, desperate to get the important point across properly this time.

“I know.”  Peter’s eyes were intense as they held Balthazar’s. “I don’t want casual, either.”  Peter caught what must have been a disbelieving look on Balthazar’s face.  “I mean, yeah, casual can be nice.  But … the longer I’ve been without it, the more I realise I want something more substantial.”  He turned to fully face Balthazar, who could barely hear him over the pounding of his heartbeat.  “With you,” he added softly.  “And look, I know you probably don’t believe me because I’ve been a bit of an idiot.”

Balthazar snorted, he couldn’t help himself.

“Well, yeah …”

“Hey! You’re not supposed to agree!” But Balthazar could hear the smile in Peter’s voice, before he continued in a more serious tone.  “I’m not going to ask to kiss you, despite the rules, because I don’t want to have to stop, when –“

A shaft of disappointment lanced through Balthazar, but he nodded.  It was possibly the one thing Peter could have said to allay all his fears, so he swallowed his disappointment.

“Yeah, and that’s the thing about this break.  I mean, it’s just going to be harder stopping again now people have started, right?”

Peter squeezed his hand, and whispered, “right.  But I do want you to know that when this is over and the stupid rules don’t apply anymore, I want to do this right.  Is that …” he hesitated, dragging his free hand through his hair, “are you okay with that?”

“Yes,” Balthazar whispered.  He carefully laid his head on Peter’s shoulder and felt his arm slide around him.  It was nice, peaceful. 

“I wish there were no rules,” he said, allowing all the wistfulness he felt to bleed into his voice.

“So do I.”  Peter’s arm tightened around his shoulder in a brief moment of shared longing.  “But it’s not that long til the end of the year and we can leave all this and go home.”

Balthazar sighed and snuggled closer.  “Yeah.  It’s enough.”

As they sat there mostly in silence, both reluctant to head back into the house and the noise, Balthazar thought it _was_ enough.  For now.


End file.
